Monday, 25 June 2012

A nearly very lovely day

It's very tiring, all this doing nothing, and I still feel like my brain is running two years behind everyone elses. Still not entirely sure that the words I emit bear any real relationship to the conversations flowing around me, but everyone is being very kind regardless. 

I've actually had a very social day today. 10 years ago I moved away from  our old house, which had the world's very best neighbours. Nearly every house seemed to have a baby or toddler, and their parents were the funniest, most supportive, crazy gang of neighbours anyone could every wish for. We all lost touch for years upon years until a few months ago, when a Facebook trawl reunited us all, and we've met up for dinner twice since. We're all a lot older and probably wiser, but nothing else has really changed, and the years just melted away. Amazingly, Mel, who used to live next door, was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2008, and has been through a lot of the same stuff I'm starting to deal with now. She came over today with some beautiful flowers and a card,  and we spent a really lovely afternoon together, laughing and reminiscing about the old times, sharing the tough cancer moments, and catching up with over 10 years of living too. A real tonic. Then just before she left, Anita arrived, breath of fresh air as always, so it's been a really brilliant afternoon, and being with good people just makes everything seem a squillion times better.

I'm shattered now, but very happy.

Someone has mentioned that they were unable to post comments at the bottom of this blog, has anyone else had similar problems, or even better, does anyone know how to overcome them?  I had a few comments on the first couple of pages I wrote, but nothing since, so I just thought that either no one was reading it, or that if they were, everyone was a bit shy. If there is a problem, it would be good if we could fix it.

I've also spent hours online today, and I've discovered Twitter, though I'm not really sure how to join in yet, and some of the conversations make absolutely no sense whatsoever, but luckily, because I have breast cancer, I can blame that because it absolutely couldn't be because I am a dinosaur, now, could it?
I've also joined some forums and groups, and have caught up with current affairs a little bit too.

I can't shift the guilt that I really ought to be doing something very useful all the time, nearly 20 years of training as a mother of disabled children means that I just don't know to unwind and relax. I'm the one who is always in charge and in control and looking after everyone else and keeping all the balls in the air, and now I'm suddenly not. It's a culture shock, and is all very odd. The kids are being fabulous, though I think it's all a bit surreal - their mum never does "ill", so it must seem a bit strange and maybe even scary. WM is doing all he can to keep things going - last night he even cooked my favourite meal - yes, hunger has returned with a vengeance. I'm also munching my way through the lovely basket of fruit from Ann. Fruit is full of the goodness my body needs to build up the immune system to fight this silly cancer thing, so I can eat away completely guilt-free.

The only thing on the horizon that has thoroughly wound me up is a very silly comment from someone who should really know better about the Law of Attraction, and how people with cancer bring it on themselves by thinking the wrong thoughts. If this person actually properly understood the principles of this Law, they might realise that its sole purpose is not to allow the very fortunate  to bask in their own, self-righteous smugness, and that this level of stupidity actually incites incredibly wrong thoughts in the rest of us. 

Even that little rant won't spoil an otherwise nearly very lovely day!


  1. I know nothing about blogs (other than how to read them) and thought I'd give posting a comment a go to test your seemed the most sensible option to me!

  2. I've read every entry so far, and have had no problems leaving comments - as far as I know - :) I'm glad your appetite is back, as you say you need your strength to fight, so eat away my lovely. Hope today has been good to you, thinking of you every day xxxx

  3. Well done to get the comments working. What I wanted to share before was a quote I had come across 'Don't worry about the darkness for that is when the stars shine brightest' and to say that you're definitely a star!